End Times
by Tomosada
Summary: Critic to a 4chan fanfic depicting His Imperial Majesty reincarnated as someone with -4 Strength and whose author called "wat" (?) dared to stupidify the Fluff and slander the Holy Inquisition - the cover pic comes from him. Jayfiction19, NurseNinja & other crypto-feminists authors, see how it's done properly! Last chapter may contain chivalrous scabrousness.
1. Chapter 1 : Hormonal Empress

**CHAPTER 1: Hormonal Empress.**

"As I ordered," said the Emperor, switching her focus to the Space Marine in heavily adorned unpainted Terminator Armor, atop his helmet sat a golden crown, sober yet kingly. " do you know why I've summoned Kaldor Draigo ?"

The Emperor, reincarnated in a little girl's body, had called for the Supreme Grand Master of the Grey Knight. But. Lord Kaldor Draigo was still lost in the Warp, battling daemons, battling evil gods. One of his brethren had answered instead. The Homo Astartes took off his helm. He had long hair rendered silver by old age and a long silky beard, granting him a dignified aura, and furry brows accenting the majestic gaze of his serene dark eyes. In his right hand shone brightly a long Nemesis Force sword, bane of the daemon-kin; and on the other hand a psycanon. His being radiated a golden holy halo… was it his Grey Knight's purity of Soul manifesting, or was it due to the « Icon of the Just » installed in his holy armour of silver and gold platted ?

« Ave, Imperator », the Grey Knight said. « Majestas' desire is to report about the Imperium's situation regarding the Enemy Beyond. This one hath taken the opportunity of his current station upon Titan to fulfil the Imperial wish. » There was no nervousness here.

Maybe the Emperor of 10 thousand years ago could have been taken aback by this reply. But. It was not nearly enough to quench her anger and bitterness, brought by 10 thousand years of hellish suffering atop the Golden Throne, contemplating the Imperium rotting. It was like returning to one's house and discovering the horrid your trusted care-taker had left it in.

"No. I don't care about your battle reports. It's because you've failed in your mission."

Now the Grand Master's eyes widened and he gasped softly, stunned by this rebuke. « The Imperial judgment, humbly we do await. »

"DO NOT THINK TO INTERRUPT ME AGAIN," intoned the Emperor, adding the dreadful weight of her psychic might to her words. "IF YOU DO, YOU WILL DIE." Everyone present blanched at her words. Everyone, but the Grey Knight. Only 1 thought went through his grey head… he was « happy » that Kaldor Draigo was not here, that neither his lordship nor Grand Master Leorac were able to come. The Grey Knight Grand Master who had come in their stead was not shaken in the least by the Emperor's rebuttal. No. He was not shaken. Yet, he calmly drew his sword. Instantly, all the Custodes Companions in the room clinched their fists around their spears, ready to intervene if the Terminator Grey Knight attempted anything more than that. But instead of striking down the overpowered little girl, he turned the tip of his Nemesis sword toward the ground and easily pierced the marble soil of the Imperial Palace, while bending the knee, his right hand resting atop the sword's cross guard. His left hand and it's powerful psycanon, carrying the Crowned Helm that he wore, rested it upon the ground.

From this humbled position, the Grand Master would heed his Holy Emperor's rebuke. Just as he was not shaken by it, she was not moved in the least by which she thought as mere theatrical, something he would have thought, in his primitive brain, to ease her wrath. She snapped at him.

"You have failed – the Grey Knights have failed! – since the very beginning. Do you think the existence of Daemons could be so easily hidden? Do you think the truth of Horus' betrayal could be buried? What arrogance! Look at the founder of your Chapter!" Most eyes followed her gesture towards the Sigillite, except those of the Grey Knight, for a look of surprise had appeared on his face as he simply followed the gaze of everybody else. "His last orders came before the final battle ten thousand years ago. Your Knights sat out the Battle of Terra, hidden in the Warp, yet you assumed circumstances had not changed? Malcador was dead. I was dead – or close enough. Roboute had changed so much – yet you thought to follow your original orders? Every guardsman who survives an attack by daemons and lives to retire brings knowledge you kill whole worlds for with them. Do you think they forget the horrors they've seen? Do you think every soul privileged enough to know of daemons before-hand never lets anything slip? Much of the Imperium knows the secrets you think to keep from them. And yet you continue to murder innocents to protect this secret."

She paused.

"Not only the Imperium has gone to shit while I wasn't there, but worse, it's the Inquisition's fault! YOUR FAULT! And to topple of that, I reincarnated trapped in a yucky female body…!"

She paused again, nearly quaking in anger.

"Speak! Explain!"

The stern Grey Knight Grand Master's facial expression had not changed. He was both frightening and irritating to her, like a machine.

« Your Imperial Majesty's decree, this one – Arcturus Manilius Augustus Victor Regis Uranus, Magister Magistralis of the 666th chapter « Grey Knight » – shall heed in an orderly fashion. »

The Empress crossed her arms with an angered expression. What the heck with this super long Latin name? Were Grey Knights the kind of people that used the length of their names to impress women or something?!

« The Daemon's existence is effectively hidden, or at least shrouded, of that I most humbly dare assure Your Imperial Majesty. For most of the Imperium's subjects, the daemons are mere devilish fairy tales found in preaches against the evil of chaotic temptation and are essentially perceived as mere metaphorical parts of History of Religion, and sometimes reduced to the lot of conspiracy theories. Over 90% of the Adeptus Astartes are brainwashed through advance psycho-therapy, after contact with the Daemons, the remaining 10% are either authorized personnel – such as Chaplains or Chief Librarians and oathsworn Epistolaries – or members of secretive chapters, especially those of the First and Second Founding, such as the Dark Angels or the Black Templars, whose chapter doctrines and history are prone to either benefit from Inquisitorial tolerance or warrant initiation in the Ordo Malleus. Some amongst the latter includes highly faithful Chapters such as the Dark Exorcists, the Red Hunters and the Astartes Praeses, who have all been inducted by the Ordo Malleus and therefore allowed to retain scientific knowledge regarding the daemonic threat. As such, they are no threat to the secrecy surrounding the Daemon's actual existence and nature, and the details linked with it. While Majestas may rebuke our lack of trust towards our fellow Space Marines, the fact is that very few Chapters have joined the side of Chaos during the past Ten Thousand Years. Most causes of desertion are known to be being cut off from the sweet guidance of the Chaplains and encouragement from their battle-brothers. As for mass desertion, it happened nearly only because of Space Marine officers or Librarians being exposed to Chaotic artefacts, especially weaponry possessed by daemons. As for Grey Knight's desertion from Your Majesty's light… there has never been any. While I, of course, accept Your Imperial Majesty's blame, some of the less zealous members of the Ordo Malleus could have failed to believe in the underlying distinguished reasons. As such, I beg of Your Imperial Majesty to bestow some time upon me so that I can instruct them properly, before any further blame regarding this matter. »

The Empress started to feel… uncomfortable. Because her incorporeal time of 10 Thousand Years of pain and suffering had toll her mind heavily, and she had trouble reading him. Was he being a jerk by indirectly blaming her, by insinuating she was blaming them for other people's fault? She did not knew it yet, but the truth was that yon man's Olympic calm had once brought a huge humiliation upon the Space Wolves and the Inquisition alike, as he abstained to unleash his kingly wrath by publicly shaming and dishonouring the Space Wolves.

"I… ! I didn't said that !

\- Say what, Sire ?

\- My intent was not to blame you for… for having held your post !"

Aye, if lord Draigo had been the one to report, surely he would have started to stutter dumbly in confusion, he might have even cried. But instead, it was "the Grey King" who was doing the speaking, and his mix of snobbery and polite cockiness was getting to her. In a flash of lightning, the Emperor's original personal emblem, she had laid a trap for him… to his fake humbleness… he just had to say it… "I am sorry for misunderstanding Your Majesty's orders" and BLAM ! She would pounce on him once more.

"Understood."

But he parried her cunning scheme with just one word. No… sobriety parried the stroke.

"I shall proceed then. As for the Warmaster Horus' Heresy…

\- Why Heresy ?

\- Because, Sire, historians have decided to call it like this.

\- I don't care. I don't like this… religious flavour.

\- Why not ?

\- I have already told you. The tenets of the Imperial Truth.

\- The Imperial Truth… I am afraid to admit that I know not of such thing."

She face-palmed.

"I bet it's the Ministorum's fault… But you, Grey Knights, should know about it; do you not ?

\- I am sorry to admit to Your Imperial Majesty that I am amidst the most literary amongst my brethren, and pass several hours of each Solar days in readings and studies.

\- … Fine. Then, learn something now ! There is no god. And I, the Emperor, as I already said to Lorgar thousands of years before, am not one either. Gods do not exist. Since I am not a god, therefore, are unworthy of worship those warp entities that are called as such, and who mess everything up for their own people.

\- The existence known as "gods" are the product of ritual efficacy and Myths and Archetypes that are parts of the Homo Religiosus. As such, it is even truer for "gods" of the Empyrean, be they single-minded psychic construct or not.

\- Again, I am not a god. Just the mightiest psyker in existence.

\- As well as the cornerstone around which Mankind was built, therefore a personification of the Axis Mundi archetype. And being worship as a god around the entire Galaxy makes Your Imperial Majesty a god regardless of His – or Her – desires.

\- Well… are you not one big con artist ? But Religions feeds the Chaos gods ! You should know that, and therefore admit that it is necessary to eliminate Religion completely.

\- Religion does not feed Chaos gods ; it is the same as claiming that "civilization equals domestication". Truth is that the Religion of the Chaos gods feeds the Chaos gods; and it does so not because of worship but because of the laws of gravity and magnetism causing thoughts and emotions of similar nature to attract each other. Period.

\- And on what basis do you make such claim ?

\- Majestas spoke of Science and Reason, but we, Grey Knights, do know the Warp's natural laws in depth ; and the most basic one is that emotions and thought that are similar are attracted to each other. Sacred Science, Sire.

\- I know that.

\- Majestas, Religion is not the synonym of belief or superstition; nor of organized clergy dominating peons. A Religion is a Civilization, for both results from cultural and psychological modifications concerning most of all but not exclusively the relationship of Man with the Sacred. As such, contrary to what Majestas' seems to have thought when spreading this dogma of the Imperial Truth, the forbidding of Religion does not means the death of the Chaos gods, as they are nurtured not by mere prayer, but by the various inclinations of the mind : mind-sets, emotions and archetypes in the thinking process and subconscious thought.

\- Change it, anyway.

\- Sire ?

\- The Horus Heresy. I do not like this (religious sounding) name. Change it anyway!

\- By Your Imperial Majesty's command. Then, the Horus Humbug…

\- …"

She… was shocked out of her wits. After this long deviation of topic, he just responded to her whim in the most outrageous manner… and she nearly laughed. That was because she did not knew yet that this named had been not chosen or invented by Sir Arcturus, but heard many decades ago when he had visited the Imperial Palace as a High Lord, the "Representative of the Inquisition", and the one who had dubbed it as such… was a Custodes. She learned the truth of the matter a long time latter, face-palming herself.

«… is actually barely hidden.

\- What…?!"

Something outrageous showed up again. She felt like she was actually talking to a certain dick. This, because of her now female body, was incredibly disturbing.

« It's most problematic parts are indeed hidden from public knowledge. Just like any Secret of State. Beside, for the quasi-entirety of the Imperium, this is no Historical event, but mythological one. Though it is very important in the Emperor's life, I bid Your Majesty to remind himself that close to no one in the countless quadrillions of civilians in the Imperium actually… gives a shit. »

Her jaw became slack.

« Rather than being taught about the historical details of such a mythic event, between two universitarian debates – even admitting the complete archives of those events were opened to them – they would rather better their daily lives, or obtain whatever they imagine deserving their time more than prayer. Which is the Adeptus Administratum's job… which is supposed to be coordinated, as the rest of the government body, by the head of state, namely, Your Imperial Majesty. Indeed, Your Majesty has delegated those state affairs to the High Lords of Terra yet this is already taking the path to an Aristocratic or Oligarchic system. Some Inquisitors, Astartes Chapters and other organisations have tried to take matter in hands, but it was, in almost all the cases, only on local scale. Since they cannot have what they want, the unsatisfied mob will likely turn to different means to achieve what they can't … such as wytchcraft and cults. As such, it is unfair to blame the Chamber Militant of the Ordo Malleus for this situation. »

All resistance from the Empress had been put down for now. But the cinders of her wrath were still dangerously warm.

« As for Malcador the Sigilite… I must admit nor I, nor any member of the Chapter at the present time, even knew that he was the Founder of the Grey Knights. Though a legend exist about Malcador finding some 9 loyalists Space Marines from traitor legions and making them a special team in the Emperor's service the Grey Knights Chapter's origins are shrouded in Myth and forgotten by History. And should stay so. I see Your Imperial Majesty's sudden burst of anger : I shall explain my thoughts on the matter. Inside the Holy Ordos of the Inquisition existeth numerous factions. Among them, overt goal is to try to recover the forgotten secrets of the Inquisition's origins, as well as the Chapter. Those datas, similarly as those concerning the Secret Ordo – the ruling body of the Inquisition – are especially dangerous if falling into the wrong hands, and could greatly disturb the functioning of the Imperium, even more than its' current nightmarish situation. Traitorous marines & daemons can and will travel back in time. According to the Liber Deamonica, slaying a Daemon in the Materium banish him back into the Warp for 1000 years and 1 day. It means both 1000 years and 1 day in the past, and in the future. If such was not the case, nothing would stop them to return to the Materium just some moments before their banishment. This could cause all sort of troubles, including some that would be impossible to solve even for the Grey Knights. Publicizing such knowledge would create way too much unrest and benefit the Chaos forces, not the Imperium.

« Then again, if blame there is, it is upon Your Imperial Majesty which it might fall upon. The Emperor is well known as one of the mightiest seer in the Galaxy, and one of it's greatest intellectual mind ever, all races confounded. Blaming long dead proto Grey Knights from the time of the Horus Heresy, or their successors and descendants, is vain, if not baseless. As far as we are concern, the Grey Knights are to protect Humanity – not individuals – from the Daemon's threats and taints. »

The Empress clenched her jaw and sat, crossing her arms once more as well as her beautifully shaped legs.

« Blaming the Ordo Malleus is both heretical and redundant. The Inquisition merely judges the weak who succumbed to temptation, and became a parody of human being, under the dominion and sway of single minded, cruel and selfish warp entities. As for the Grey Knights, we are but the Chamber Militant of the Ordo Malleus, and Your Imperial Majesty's latest gift to the Galaxy. »

She could admit that his explanations had makes some sense, until now. But now, his statements were downright dictatorial in their harshness. He rose from his feet, pulling his Nemesis Sword from the ground.

« Finally, Majestas has accused the Ordo Malleus to slaughter innocents. However, Innocence proves nothing, only a lack of carefulness.

\- You… how can you dare say that ! Is it not sophistry to judge both the guilty and the innocent alike ? This… such a ridiculous argument ! Besides, if we apply it, then does it not mean that you are guilty, Grand Master Regis, and that I can punish you for any reason whatsoever ? Such spirit in the Law… whatever happened to "innocent 'till proven guilty"?! »

So spoke the Emperor spoke with righteous anger. However…

« To treat me as if I was guilty of the charges Your Majesty imposes on me, is it not what Your Majesty has done all along this conversation ? »

And while saying this, Regis' face stood stern like a statue made of marble stone, and his words sank deeply into the maiden Imperator. She instantly understood what the prick had been doing all along… he had been waiting to use this argument just at the right time in order to make Her feels guilty. The next step of these clever rhetoric's would probably be trying to move Her with some story about the Grey Knights faithful service. But she already had some ideas of what they had been doing all this time, when not busy murdering civilians or Imperial Guards. Daemons were hard to fight, and even harder to counter as great infestations. Many Grey Knights probably perished atrocious death, such as being eaten alive by a Great Unclean One or toyed by Slaaneshi daemons, while never renouncing the fight, continuously pledging their loyalty to the Emperor. But they were not the only one suffering. The Emperor had suffered for 10 Thousand Years, sitting upon the Golden Throne in incredible torments, kept alive only by His sheer will power and the continuous sacrifice of myriads of psykers to power her up in her fight long psychic war against the Dark Gods.

"You… you dick…"

But she couldn't say it. She could not accuse him. Not yet. And now, it was too late. The clever son of a bitch had probably realized that he had been caught, and would use a backup plan. She had the impression that she was actually speaking to a certain eldarly dick. Thus, she was left with nothing to say but another sophistry. She remembered a crtain dickhead that had shot a tachyon bolt in her back, while she was fighting Horus. What a dick.

"You… do you have any idea who I am ?! Of what I have endured !"

« Of course. Your Imperial Majesty is Richardus Numen Augustus Imperator of the Imperium of Man, the cornerstone of its nearly Fifty Thousand Years old Civilisation, the protector of Humanity, and it's Champion over the Real, over the Sane ; the greatest philosopher, scientist, tactician and warlord, the most accomplished Man with golden pecs and fabulous hair ; the alleged Primogenitor of our 666th Chapter "Grey Knights", and the model all Adept Astartes look up to. »

For a moment, she couldn't do anything against this unexpected flattery. She was expecting to see that bearded burly man to come in her back smiling like a sycophant and start massaging her shoulders while softening his iron grip as much as possible. The guy even knew her actual name. Worse; in the past, she would have not be cowed into silence with lightly reddening cheeks.

«… except the Ultrasmurfs who look up to their Spiritual Liege alone. »

And then, she laughed. What a dick.


	2. Chapter 2 : Legend of the Grey King

**CHAPTER 2: Legend of the Grey King**

"Your Majesty…" The High Lord of the Adeptus Administratum, one of the most powerful – and insanely ambitious – individual in the ranks of the human race, tremblingly disturbed the Grand Master and the Empress in their conversation.

They both turned their heads to look at him.

"What?" «What? »

The de facto most powerful member of the Adeptus Terra and of the Imperium sweated and trembled as he apologized.

"I mean, Your Maje… G-Grand Master Arcturus, Sir, please, could you stop… whatever it is that you are doing?"

The Empress smirked like a thug, having found a weak point to argue against her "opponent".

"So… you are a king, are you?" Her smirk had evolved into a snobbish grin.

« That is why they called me Regis, Sir. »

"I thought Grey Knights abandoned everything? No family, no possession aside from those granted by the chapter, likewise for titles…"

« 'Tis not a matter of abandoning anything, but of dignity, since claiming Kingship to be antithesis with Chivalry would be tantamount to the highest heresies. Further, Kingship hath been bestowed upon myself by Imperial decree.

\- I did…?

\- Yes, you did, my glorious overlord."

Of all people, it was one of her Companions who answered her. She was surprised. According to what she had heard, the Grey Knights barely, if at all, had any relationship or dialogue with the Adeptus Custodes, as they never left Terra.

"How is it possible, is it not the first time we meet…?!"

For the second time, the Grey King was a little… disturbed (the first was when she started to angrily blame him why yelling).

"No, my Emperor. You already met this Grand Master twice. Do you really not remember?"

In her mind, it was like: whaaaaaat?

"No… Did I give him a title of King while comatose or something? I mean… what the heck with these divine rights of kings popping up all the time in Human History?! Number Eleven sure would have trolled me over it."

"Allow me to answer, Ô God-Emperor," intervened the Grand Provost Marshal, High Lord of the Adeptus Arbites, "since I AM THE LAW."

"Suuuure…" Answered the Empress while furrowing her elegant brow. "You are The Law…?"

"Myes, I am The Law." he laughed while nodding in self amusement, apparently failing to notice the shock painted all over the Imperial visage. "Sir Arcturus was born the hereditary leader of a Questoris Familia with a lineage by far older than the Dark Age of Technology; and during the Great Crusade, Your Majesty confirmed them their Royal station as for many other Knight houses having pledged their allegiance to the Imperium rather than the Adeptus Mechanicus."

"You have my thanks, high lord Aveliza." Said the Emperor, causing the very old man… to blush, happy that his divine Emperor knew his name, as if all his life had been validated by that sole polite sentence. "But it does not explains how a king became Grey Knight… unless, Grey Knights are… OMM (Oh My Me)?!"

The Master of the Administratum took this chance of the Emperor being in his thoughts to interrupt and explain further; before she started to yell about how painting grey Questoris Knights war-machines was idiotic and not compatible with the traditional tactics of the Astartes.

"When the Inquisition found Lord Arcturus, a mighty Psyker and child king, they could not leave him alone, by fear of corruption. So, they recruited him, but he refused to relinquish his Kingship… rightfully so. Is it not, Lord Drachan?"

High Lord Aveliza Drachan nodded, while sensually patting his power-maul. Irthu Haemotalion continued to sass the Inquisition, sucking up to the reincarnated & hormonal Grand Monarch.

"That Inquisitor was a spiteful man, my glorious Overlord. He knew that the trials to become a member of the Chamber Militant of the Ordo Malleus were countless and impossibly hard, and so he sent the young king there… but he succeeded, became a full-fledged Astartes, and eventually reached the position of Grand Master. For their failure to accidentally kill him, I propose to have the Ordo Malleus make a written and multi-signed apology, Your Majesty."

The Lord Militant of the Imperial Guard cut off the High Lord of Administratum, aware that he was in a controversy with the former Inquisitorial Representative, Grand Master Arcturus. He too had problems with the Grey Knights, but…

"And what about you, High Lord of the Imperial Guard?" The Empress had noticed his drive to speak, probably thanks to her telepathic powers, unless it was a resurgence of her experience on how to deal with lesser beings. "Don't you have anything to say about the policies of the Ordo Malleus?"

… He had long accepted the situation the power struggle had stuck him in. The military-man knew that ultimately, Terra was dependent on the Grey Knights for protection against the Chaotic menace, for he had been one of the very few Imperil Guardsmen allowed to be in the know regarding the Grey Knights and the daemonic threats; though like all the other High Lords – except the Captain-General of the Adeptus Custodes –, he really did not knew anything specific regarding the details, only vague, general truths. In fact, he had seen demons himself, and allowed to retain knowledge of their existence and of its nature by the Inquisition, presumably like most of his predecessors, because the Inquisition would not have allowed the highest ranked Imperial military to be weak minded… because of this, it could also be said that the Astra Militarum was heavily infiltrated by the Inquisition. In fact, there was an Ordo Minoris dedicated to spy the Imperial Guard.

"… Sire, if I may speak with all sincerity," the Lord Militant said calmly before taking in a deep breath that would minimize the chances of him being interrupted by the bureaucrator. "The life toll is heavy under the command of the Ordo Malleus, but it is not ungrateful. Guardsmen who perish under them – as it happens most of the time – receive full military honours, which includes a double promotion and the associated pay, as well as a greater ease & generosity in the post-mortem medal awarding process. Those who die, in this way, as officers or sub-officers of the Astra Militarum may have the privilege of their children being raised by the Schola Progenium; or even get the Star of Terra. This may allow a mere corporal's children to become a Commissar, an Officer, an Inquisitor, an Assassin or even an Inquisitorial shock-trooper. If not, even the small family a normal guardsman left behind to join the ranks of the military will at least be saved from poverty – it was the case for his lordship the current Master of Adeptus Astra Telepathica, whose sister would have otherwise lived in the slums."

The Empress turned to gaze at the silent Psyker, who simply nodded at her to confirm this story, while the Lord Commander Militant continued to speak.

"My own father was a nobleman who was executed by the Ordo Malleus after saving a Hive-World populated by half a trillion souls, and was thus promoted from General to Lord General Militant; as per the standard procedure – he also received the "Star of Terra", the highest military & civil honour currently bestowed by the Imperium. Although my case is quite exceptional, I am thouroughly certain that among the ranks of the Imperial Guard, only a handful of egotistical heretics reject the idea of dying to better the lives of their children and protect their families and home-worlds. And ever since, we have been… under the benevolent and devout protection of His Majesty, the Grey King, and of the holy titanic militia of the Ordo Malleus."

The Empress was frowning. It was a distasteful story. She understood plenty the notion of sacrificing yourself for your family; after all it was what she attempted to do while fighting against Horus, during the final days of the Horus Hombug. Still, she loathed what her Empire had become: a bloated & dictatorial bureaucracy without much respect for human dignity and the rights and freedom of the individual. It was all Horus' fault, not the Grey Knights' one, and certainly not the Inquisition either – after all, "bureaucracy" was the domain of the High Lord of the Adeptus Administratum, not the Inquisition or the Astartes. Ultimately, responsibility lied not with power hungry Imperial Senators nor even with Roboute Guilliman, but with herself.

But still, the Empress was badly irritated and the Companions trembling.

"Please, Your Majesty… do not anger him! We do not know what he is capable of…!"

She sighed again, angrily this time. To whom was he speaking to, and to whom was he speaking about? She didn't remembered her Custodes being so retarded.

"His Majesty the Grey King is not only a great demon slayer, but also the bane of the clown library!"

The post-human super-warrior with golden pecs growled with the frightened look of a baby deer. She couldn't help but yell at them.

"THE WHAT?!"

Her Captain-General, Trajann Valoris, stroke his beard lightly, attempting to hide his nervousness. It should have been the grey Astartes feeling fright, but instead, the deadliest Custodian of them all felt very discomfortable.

"The Harlequins, Sire. Last time they invaded the Imperial Palace, trying to bring a so-called message to Your Imperial Majesty in the name of that dick Eldrad, only two slipped in, a Shadowseer and a Death Jester, and they killed dozens of us, Custodes."

The Empress ticked as soon as he spoke. She had not noticed at first, but when King Arcturus called her "Sire", though his tone was hiding a defiant insolence, it was not without elegance and "délicatesse"; he pronounced it a bit like the word "seer" but insisted on the "i" of "Sire" and the final "e" was barely articulated, evaporating like a murmur; that sole word sounded melodious and could have almost seductive had it been pronounced by an handsome youth or a true gentleman, instead of that bearded silver kingly ass. On the contrary, the way everybody else was pronouncing it around her was closer to "sigh… uh": how grossly unnerving!

"WHAT?! WHAT THE FLYING F*CKING COCKBISCUIT?!" She screamed in shock, but soon calmed herself. "Well, at least now I know that eugenics do not work; thanks a lot, cuckstodes."

"Yes, the Captain-General of that time was making just that face was yelling at the Inquisition, I was told…. I mean… My pleasure, Sire (Sigh uh), but fret not, for the Grey Knight hereby present disproves this argument."

"How so?" She asked tiredly, while massaging her temples. "With psychic powers…?"

"Well… he was once attacked by a harlequin troop, while alone on the battlefield without his silvery fellows to help. He slew them all. Five died by his Psycanon, including a Shadowseer, three others were put to the sword, and three were killed by psychic blasts."

« Ah… Yes, I remember that time, » said the Grand Master. « I was a Paladin then, 'twas when I was promoted to Brother-Captain. I could have slay that Death Jester from a distance using my psycanon, but I elected to challenge him in single combat instead, and slew him by carving the rune of Khorne in his torso with the tip of my sword. »

"And you got promoted Captain for that…?!" Even the High Lords were shocked.

« I got promoted because Khorne laughed so hard that all attacks from him stopped for a month. An on-going Khornate Black Crusade even had to stop and the chaos marines composing it fled post-haste the Imperial Retribution, because they had lost all daemonic support. »

"IT WAS YOU WHO DID IT!"

She couldn't believe that she remembered it, centuries after the actual event. For all that time she thought it was because of a new silly sitcom Angron had introduced his new boss to. But nope, it was just a Grey Knight pulling a prank on Slaanesh. She did not want to admit it, but even the Emperor had never done so well against these fiends. And on top of all of that, during all that time, the phantom pain of his absent itching nose had been unexplainably… healed. It had eventually returned, but even this temporary respite had put a great strain out of the Emperor's shoulders, and as such she couldn't bring herself to hate the man anymore; even though this scandalous event as well as the clownicide explained why the Custodes were afraid of the Grey King, but on the other hand…

« 'Twas I, indeed; but alas it was unfolded later than in its infantile rage, Slaa'neth doubled his assaults on the Imperium to compensate. Hence, I have not attempted to do any such thing again since then. »

"I can't believe that you sissies afraid of some dumb eldar and allowed for that crazy knight to be put in my presence; and worse, you did it twice of all things!"

She spoke grumpily, but there was no anger in her thoughts and voice. Though he could sense that, the Captain-General coughed still: Valoris had not been Captain-General on either of these occasions, but still was going to be held accountable for these fuck ups. Just like how Kaldor Draigo was going to get the short stick for his whole Chapter's ten thousand years of good, loyal and efficient service. Trajann Valoris thought he should say something to protect his Adeptus' honour.

"Well, to be honest, the first time it happened he was just a rank and file Grey Knight. Sometimes, whole companies of them are given Imperial Audiences. It was at the occasion that you… confirmed his Royal status, Your Imperial Majesty."

"I confirmed it? I thought that I had been unable to communicate at all during these millennia?"

"Well… we put him in the front row, even closer than the Grand Master Mandulis, Sire. And Your Imperial Majesty was asked by the Captain-General. We knew the odds were barely existent, and they were told to not making any noise, to not speak any word, or they would be killed. And on the other hand, we awaited from you not a clear answer, simply a silence that would allow us to deny Sir Arcturus a privileged status, as the High Lords asked of us."

The Master of the Adeptus Administratum face-palmed himself. Valoris had just straight out denounced them to the Emperor…

"And I answered…?"

While the Eclesiarch nodded frantically. It was a miracle that he had confirmed throughout the Imperium, for the greatest pleasure of many Knights houses and other members of the Imperial Nobility, be it on civilized worlds or medieval ones.

"Yes, Sir… you shrieked."

She couldn't believe it. Now she remembered it too… it had been over half a millennium, but she remembered it. That is because Warp gods, precisely, have the ability to search for the past, for a not easily remembered past memory, by expending a massive amount of Warp energy – there is no such thing as perfect memory among the Warp deities – all according to Warpology. And she could see it, and remember it well now. Arcturus had been much younger back then, his face was clean shaven as a handsome youth, kneeling in front of her, in front of the front row of a small army of silver knights. And frustration had rekindled in her emotions.

"I did not told you to let him be a King or whatever, Trajann… I told the Captain-General of that time TO KILL ME SO THAT I COULD REINCARNATE JUST AS I DID! And it was not just a shriek, I also used telepathy to tell you guys, and I quote, "KILL ME, PLEASE!" end-quote. How could you mistake THAT for "Divine Right of Kings, HUZZAH!", you retarded golden phallic bananas?!"

Everyone, except the Grand Master, shrieked, upstarted. But Trajann Valoris was getting used to her new temper, and because she had not popped any warp storm yet Lord Trajann was feeling secure still; though he felt dirty, as if the Grey King he was so upset just thinking about, had tainted him with his… silvery-ness. Both the Empress and Trajann breathed in deeply, almost sighing, and the expression on their faces – in spite of Trajann scared face and beard – felt strangely similar in the eyes of the beholders.

"And the second time?"

The Custodians, reputedly made in a way that links them to the Emperor, could be in a way understood as children or epiphanies of the Emperor and of the higher principles he embodied. Trajann Valoris, the Captain-General above them all, named after a great and divine Monarch of yore, was the closest embodiement of the Emperor aside from Lion El'Jonson, now that most Primarchs were either lost or disappeared; and on his scared, bearded, terrifying face of a war-torn veteran, was now an expression so terrible and so odd that even Horus in his last moment as she remembered them were… harmonious.

The August Empress slowly swallowed her saliva as she was preparing herself to the absolute worst; as her eyes were entrapped in fascination by those of Valoris.

"The Grey King… he… he told us to fulfil the ancient rituals," started the Captain-General, is lips trembling as he reminisced. "To bring the most holy vessel. The Kibôrion."

She didn't understand immediately what he said until with just an eye she turned away her fascinated gaze to one of her two Tribunes, Maldovar Colquan himself; with great respect, he held with both hands, at his face's level, a big chalice made of vermeil – solid silver gilded with gold – and adorned with big, beautiful, blood red rubies of a crystalline aspect; and it was so huge that even in the hands of a 2m5 tall golden giant semi-god it looked big still.

"My King… it is the holy cup into which we have collected your Majesty's tears for 10,000 years."

She frowned, thinking about the dumbness of religiosity into which the Custodians had more or less fallen while mourning their Emperor; little did everyone knew – beside the author of the present text – that first and foremost, the word "Custode" is Catholic liturgic device used to preserve hosts, the Holy Eucharist, a perfectly fitting name that referred to the Graalic nature of the Adeptus Custodes, also escaping to both the fandom of Warhammer 40K and the staff of Games Workshop. But the August Empress, approaching, wanted to look inside… She remembered a story from long, long ago, when Terra was young still, when the Throne-World was beautiful and the only planet Humanity had at all; the story of a sacred chalice into which gazing could very well cause death even for a worthy knight. But these were just tears… a liquid to water the eye and keep it moist that among lesser men and infants would often be shed because of emotions of sorrow and helplessness; carrying salt because of the tiny bits of dead skin taken along. The only reason she wanted to look was… curiosity, and a sort of strange, almost mystical fascination. Had she wept so little that they could keep her tears inside an old chalice for ten millennia?

As expected though, there was a lot of liquid inside… the chalice was full at its two thirds or so.

"Well… it was when Sir Arcturus became a Paladin."

"When he became a Paladin…? What the heck are you talking about? Am I supposed to already know or what?"

"Search in thyself, thou already knowest 'tis true."

"Stop trolling me using biblical Gothic, Tutur!" She had given him a pet name… "Trajann, what happened?! What have you guys done to me…?!"

"All Paladins of the Grey Knights are inducted into the _Paladinat_ through the process of the Soul-Binding with Your Imperial Majesty; of course, unlike mere astropaths, they survive it fully intact in there physiology."

According to the Codex Demon Hunters, 3rd edition of Warhammer 40K, there is a rumor saying just that of the Terminators of the Grey Knights. It was before Matt Ward invented the Paladins as elite choice units; however, considering that it is a decent fluff reform, for once, the narrator decided to include it in and fuse it, albeit in a less hazardous and awkward fashion as some authors do, be they pros or fans. However, it leaves one problem to be solved…

"Does it give you telepathic abilities or something?"

The Grand Master of the Grey Knights however denied it.

« This blessed connection, Sire, we use only for the holy purpose of our Chapter. »

In other words, exorcism. And it explained why there were but a limited number of Grand Masters of the Grey Knights: more mystical motives were involved than simply combat prowess and psychic powers. For all her spite on the subject matter of religion, she was afraid to question him further on this topic; yes, it was a kind of Sacred Terror that she felt about her own self.

"So… are you saying that all this time I was angry at him… I was angry at myself?"

They dared not reply. None, except the Grey Knight, of course.

"Why wouldst thou give me a pet name, otherwise?"

Fucked. No… 'how displeasingly nefarious'. She reformulated in her mind:

'I trapped myself while trying to belittle him in a petty way. I have never seen a space marine as infuriating as him… or is it because I have become a girl that I am like that, now?'

Furthermore, she soon understood that if she ordered to clear the administrative mess by taking that symbolical kingship from him, she would lesser her own dignity, and also set up a dangerous precedent. That is because the Imperium had not brought into forced compliance the greatest majority of Knight worlds, and in fact, ten millennia after, many of these worlds saw not themselves as vassals of the Imperium but as allies, or even in some cases, its better.

"Fùck it! Fine, you are a King, I admit it now. Happy…?!"

He got up from his knees, sheathing his Nemesis force sword, and lightly stroke his long and fair beard, with a satisfied look.

"For you, _Ma Dame_ , I will try."

"Good," she nodded. "Just don't call me a lady or I will keep calling you Tutur."

She could have ordered him, but for some reason she had instinctively reacted childishly; it was maybe the reason for why Sir Arcturus continued to tease her.

"Excellent. I will continue to do so then, _Ma Dame_."

One of the Companions moved behind her and started to massage her shoulders before she got angry again… he was pretty good at this. She calmed down 'don't let this silvery arse get to you, Emprah, be the bigger man. Or woman. F*ck. He is a man, I am a woman, so what should I say… think… in this case? F*ck. No! No sexual activities… so yucky. Sigh… I hope they didn't try to make female marines. Thinking of which…'

"Whatever… Grand Master. It is too tiny that I did not notice that your soul was bound to mine."

"Even a Sun has a smaller soul than yours, my Emperor."

It was the truth. So many psykers had been bound to the Emperor, and countless others sacrificed to the Emperor, while hordes of trillions of fanatics prayed to the Emperor, that it could not have been any otherwise. Normally, when a historical character was deified, the result had nothing to do with the soul of the original character – pretty Grimdark – but because of the Emperor's situation and origins, in the end, the tremendously immense masses of energies created by worship and by soul-binding had fused together; and somehow, it did not really felt like it seen from real space, by non-psykers… she looked pretty normal – or rather, she looked pretty, and that was it; but aside from an aura of gloriousness, she did not appear as, say, a human shaped supernova.

"… So, what does it have to do with my tears? What did you mean by "the ancient ritual"…? Oh."

She had just realised what Sir Arcturus had done; Trajann Valoris could see it on her face. Augusta had just remembered the Grail cycle and the various memes forming its content that she had in good part loaded inside even the genetic structure of the Adeptus Astartes, but also weaved or allowed the Primarchs themselves to weave inside their culture, sometimes in obvious, other times in subtle ways that an uneducated mind would not be able to perceive; as it was the case for the Blood Angels, the Dark Angels, the Space Wolves, the White Scars (through indirect associations with Preston John, the Celtic obsession with severed heads, and of course the Palace of Xanadu), and even the Salamanders, the Alpha Legion and the Raven Guard.

The Space Marines, among the powers that were granted unto them by the Emperor, was the ability to gain memories from eating and drinking. The brain, of course, would allow them to gain much more fresh and direct memories; but in truth, simple cooked animal meat would also do the trick, as would blood, be it of foes or of battle brothers.

She couldn't believe Sir Arcturus had done something so foolishly dangerous as drinking tears that were believed to be shed for the sadness of the sacrificed lives of martyrs of the Imperium: such deep and immense sorrow surely could have broken any man, anyone, even a Primarch. But it did nothing to a Grey Knight… sorrow and all that could stem from it were feelings that would nurture Chaotic energies in the Warp too; but the Grey Knights were truly pure of heart.

She was thoroughly disgusted, but impressed still that the Grey King would drink from such a perilous chalice.

« For my own defense, » calmly stated the Grey King, « I must say that the Kibôriôn was nearly full. »

"You didn't had to drank so much of it…!" Valoris lashed at him. "We could have find a solution even without you, scion of Titan!"

The Empress trembled as a shrill passed down her spine and finally gave voice to her inner girlish feelings…

"Gross…"

… Was all she could say for a long minute, as silence fell upon the High Council of Terra.

"Let us change topic; do tell me about your battle reports. If they were not worth your creepy actions, I'll have my golden kitten scratch your silver arse 'till you can't even sit."

The Grand Master of the Grey Knights nodded, without smiling at her change of mind: at the beginning of the audience, she had specifically said that she didn't care about that, but now she did. As for Valoris, he already smiled, sure of his "rival's" impending failure.

« Aside from killing eldars, you mean? Well… my two most notable feats of arms were defeating a daemon prince of Khorne and being a Lord Solar. »

"What? I thought there would be something more impressive than a daemon prince… wait, you said Lord Solar? As in "Warmaster"?!"

« Certes, I slew Greater Daemons and Daemon Princes in trove. However, the particularity here is that the Daemon Prince was not killed or banished… but fled the battlefield in sheer terror. »

This time, the Empress was not the only one surprised. Only the Grand Master of the Assassins and the Captain-General of the Adeptus Custodes already knew among the High Lords, because most High Lords were not supposed to know anything specific regarding the Grey Knights and the Daemons of the Warp. They "knew" without officially knowing.

"WHAT?!"

The Grey King shrugged.

« I thought you would already know about it. This is a pretty famous story in the Chapter. »

This was back in the 4th Edition. At that time, the 3rd edition codex was still in use, and according to it, the sanctuary psychic power sent all daemons reeling from 3" even engaged in close combat. There was no duelling rules at the time, except some homebrew ones. Grand Master Arcturus had been teleported nearby ruins on the western edge of the battlefield, alone, and the Daemon Prince of Khorne, a mighty homebrew character, left his hordes of Khorne Berserks, to fly alone to the Grey Knight's Grand Master and fight him one on one. After several rounds of dangerous fighting, of successful invulnerable saves and lost of several wounds on both cases, and the failure to active the psychic power "Force" to deal with the threat, the Grand Master successfully activated "Sanctuary", causing the Daemon Prince Baal to be forcefully separated, when the anti-psy special save of the Khornate collar failed to protect the daemon prince. The plan was to shower him with Psycanon bullets before charging him once again, with one extra attack. However… he was expelled from the battlefield in the process, and was thus terminated. According to that edition rule book, all miniatures in such a situation flee in terror and go tell their comrades of the invincibleness of their enemies.

"In other words, Grand Master Arcturus has made a laughingstock of one of Khorne's favourites," said Trajann Valoris. "After this exploit, we thought of granting him a third Imperial Audience, but it did not come to pass because he was too busy. A century or so afterwards, though, he was selected as High Lord – the temporary Inquisitorial Representative. So, instead, we thought of giving him a consolation prize; one special custom armour produced as a cooperative work between the Adeptus Custodes and Titan, to compensate the loss of his status of Knight Scion and Titan Princeps."

« This was a much appreciated gift." The Grey King spoke, his face lightly disturbed for only the second time in this whole conversation. "My fellow Grey Knights have strived to "consulate" me for my supposed grief; amongst the efforts to this end were those of Lord Kaldor Draigo, who was the designer of the… dreadknight nemesis. »

A.K.A. The Silver Baby Carrier.

« But sadly, I had to refuse the honour. »

"Well, at least your tastes are not as horrible as his. Did he really make these horrible things for you?"

The Magister Magistralis shrugged his mighty silver pauldrons.

« Probably not, Sire, but that's what he hath said to me. »

"I see… how terrible. Anyway, how did you become a Grand Master? Is this linked to this consolation prize you mentioned?"

« 'Tis so. Many Grey Knights, be they Grand Masters or not, have impressive records in Your Imperial Majesty's service; and the Chapter recruits from all over the Galaxy. But it was the first time that a rightful king joined the Chapter 666. Early in my career many Grey Knights swore fealty and a special brotherhood was created just for me, hence, my title of Captain did not last long and I was soon promoted Grand-Master, with various very talented marines becoming my subordinates. This was how I became known as The Grey King. »

"I… see…"

But then, something else came to mind.

"What was that about you being Lord Solar… it's the modern version for Warmaster, right?!"

The Master of Adeptus Administratum cleared his throat.

"Allow me to explain, my God-Emperor. His Lordship the Grand Master Victor Arcturus is, as a High King, still nominally considered a Planetary Governor in the Name of the Adeptus Administratum!"

Now she understood what was his problem all along. The Grey King has used his position, given by obscure and contradictory laws, to gain… power. In this age of infernal bureaucracy, the High Lord of the Administratum was in theory the most powerful of them all. And this man, this King, had infringed on his authority a lot, and was beyond it all this time, as a Grey Knight, as a Space Marine chapter master, and as a member of the Inquisition's Chamber Militants. Roboute Guilliman had excluded the Adeptus Astartes from a seat of High Lord, but the Grey King has still got in nevertheless. The High Lords sat around a round table of the zodiacal twelve, the fact that it was round symbolized an equality of sort between their brotherhood, the _Senatorum Imperialis_.

But, just like in some sort of kid's story, it was not easy to determine which Senator was the most powerful; who was the strongest: the whole system has been built with the idea of them having pros and cons to call themselves the most powerful. The fact was that they were all absolutely necessary for the Imperium, and even those who were maybe the closest to being called the "most powerful" had limitations of their own. The Inquisitorial Legate for example wasn't all the time in place; the Adeptus Administratum had only a logistical control over the army; the Fabricator-General was, in a way, a stranger, for he was by no means a member of the _Adeptus Terra_. And yet, all High Lords were incredibly asinine and ambitious individuals. They were the stately equivalent of maniacs who survived the battlefields across the galaxy where trillions died, emerging from a giant pile of corpses and screaming their insanity and survival to the frozen and burning skies of War eternal. No matter how absurd, no matter how small the odds, there would always be someone to realise them. For the High Lords, the most frightening threat in the galaxy was neither Abaddon nor the Q'Orl, but each-others. Many among the High Lords or potential High Lords were extremely deadly individuals.

And so, King Arcturus the unlikely… had happened; endowed with post-human dreadful powers and war gear, and exceptional probity. He was like the love child of the Adeptus Custodes and of the Inquisition, he had the best of the best and since he was able to postulate to the posts of Inquisitorial Legate and Master of the Administratum, he eventually became the Lord Solar. A Lord Solar that could officially condemn to death one or two of his fellow High Lords without much trouble or protestation, and find himself the sole ruler of the Imperium, like Goge Vandire had once been, millennia ago. And his only weak point was that he was… busy.

Something huge had been going on all this time…

"He used his former and current positions to get allies, my God! And convinced the High Council, centuries ago, to launch a Crusade that he would command in person."

The Grand Master of the Assassins Temple intervened.

"To be honest, the situation could not be let to fester alone. Now that the _Occularis Teribus_ and the Maelström are making a baby together, what would have happened if the Grey Knights had not secured the Storm of the Emperor's Wrath?"

They had named a damn warp storm after her.

"What was that?!"

"My God, listen." For the first time, the Administratum was going to hear her out and provide reasonable and satisfying explanations. "In the 32nd Millennia, four hundred Space marines assaulted Terra to free it from the Tyrant that was ruling over it." Or maybe not.

\- I already know about the Beheading and events that followed. Slaughter Koorland did a great job as Lord Commander of the Imperium. So what?

\- Grand Master Arcturus, as a High Lord of the Inquisition, took 1 billion terran civilians as conscripted guardsmen! And he used his connection as High King of a prestigious Questoris Familia to get the help of 22 Knight Households, as well as 4,000 Space Marines or so! And then he persuaded the other High Lords to name him Lord Commander Solar, in order to retain control over the whole crusade, and still let him seat on the High Council of the High Lords of Terra! And he wanted the High Lords to collect the semen and ovules of 450 billion people into huge colony space ships before sterilizing them, merely to alleviate the demographic pressure! And to make Terra green and blue again, with imported sea water and a black soil called Terra Petra…

\- Terra Preta.

\- Yes, my God-Emperor, so wise and knowledgeable! Black instead of Golden… just what was he thinking?! And his lordship wanted to make these soils and use it to grow trees and plants on all continents! Just imagine the bureaucratic and logistic nightmare this all represents, my god! And to transfer the bureaucratic processing outside of Sol's system… utterly unthinkable!"

To be honest, there were all pretty impressive plans & ideas. And he had used religious fanaticism to convince the High Lords to muster the strength required to clean a big Warp Tempest in the Segmentum Obscurus, before it present a real danger in the Imperium's back. That dude could get shits done. And Terra Preta was an old Terran soil, a miraculous artificial production invented by the shamans of yore. It had backfired, long ago, and created the Amazonian rainforest; but if managed correctly, there were chances for them to make Terra fertile once more, and more governable. There would also be chances for the Imperium to waste lest time for all these pilgrims coming to Terra and live all their lives awaiting desperately to merely see the Eternity Gate of the Imperial Palace, and nothing more, simply because of the bureaucratic nightmare and overpopulation of Terra, the Throne World of the Imperium. Had she still governed the Imperium, this overpopulation would not have become so nightmarish; but now time called for drastic measures. By one of the oldest and most important notions of the Lex Imperialis, all planets had to be self-sustainable… Terra was one of the few worlds which could not nurture itself! She sighed. If the 11th Primarch was still around, maybe she could make use of his knowledge of technology to help solving the problem in a far less cruel manner; while the 2nd Primarch would have greatly help in the safe relocating of Terra's population.

"Well, why not," said the Empress. "We can't let the population of Terra festering like that, but we can't straight out deny hundred billions of our fellow humans the right to leave a genetic legacy. So, let's do all of that and enlist help from the Adeptus Astartes, the Imperial Navy and the High Lord of the Chartist Captain to achieve this capital work. Tell them that rewards will be personally handed by me or by an High Lord, if I am too busy for this; and that they will include, if necessary, priceless items and antics from our long, glorious and distant past, usually kept in the Imperial Palace."

Aside from the Lord Solar & Grand Master Grey King Arcturus the Victorious… they were all appalled. This was a grand undertaking, and not the kind of things which could be truly done successfully if Horus came soon knocking on the door of the Imperium… the Emperor would have to travail to the Eye of Terror and lead the majority of the Grey Knights chapter, at least ninth of the Adeptus Custodes 10,000 members, and many more Space Marines and Imperial Guards. If it had to be done, then it should have been done sooner. But the Grand Master of the Grey Knigths felt unconcerned.

« So, Your Imperial Majesty is not angry at us, Grey Knights, anymore? »

"No. I kinda feel like a jerk (if only I could get my penis back, then I would be a real jerk instead of feeling like one… T.T). Thanks for having told me all of that about the Grey Knights and the Inquisitorial activities, I am sure there were a lot of times you guys messed up, but I was way too hasty in judging you. You had it rough, and protected devotedly the Imperium nevertheless, doing what you had to do."

The Grand Master shrugged it.

« 'Tis fine, Sire, do not feel guilt, please; for I can take some punishment and understand your Imperial Majesty's feelings. Had it been the Supreme Grand Master Kaldor Draigo, though, it would have been more… delicate. »

"Is he too someone I should not anger or what?" She rolled her eyes at the Custodes. "Did he bench-press a High Avatar of the Harlequins or something?" One of the Custodians had already curved into a corner of the room and from a foetal posture was maniacally poking the wall with his golden finger.

« No… but Lord Draigo is not very good with words, he is only the greatest banisher of the demon-kind. I think he would have cried & panicked at Your Imperial Majesty's displeasure. »

She laughed, at the idea of someone looking similar to Sir Arcturus, the Grey King, crying like some sissy bitch. But then, she felt like a jerk once again. She was worried that her bad sides would prevent her from retaking the traitor Primarchs from the Chaotic side of the Empyrean, because of the doubt it would sow in their hearts once again. But immediately, she was a tiny bit reassured by the fact that the Grand Master Arcturus was not feeling offended, smiling to her kindly instead.

"What's he doing right now?"

She shrugged the Companion that was massaging her shoulders to take her cup of tea, made of high quality faience. It was a wondrous artwork aged of over twenty height millennia, a priceless relic that had not been destroyed by Horus during his invasion of the Terra.

"According to rumors, right now, he is chilling with Slaanesh in the Warp."

All the hot tea that was in her mouth and throat was spilled on Trajann Valoris' face. He tried to dodge but tripped on his too long black cape and smashed the back of his cranium against the metal knee of the Martian High Lord.

Ouch.

Next: Chapter 3 - Saviours of the Imperium


	3. Chapter 3 : Saviours of the Imperium

**CHAPTER 3: Saviours of the Imperium.**

"What the f*ck? I mean… sorry, roaring kitten… Is this actually true?"

The Grand Master shrugged, while the Captain-General was cleaning himself with a cloth of silk whose price would have fed a billion Terran souls for a day; his brain apparently unharmed. Unsurprisingly, since it was part of a pre-Heresy era curtain from a prestigious manufacture, that had been partly burned during the invasion of Horus, and recycled through the ages… or maybe, all things considered, his brain really was damaged.

« Fret not, my Emperor, it is not. There is a rumor of a silver knight rampaging in the realm of Slaanesh, but it is not Lord Draigo, for he is powerless to properly navigate the Warp alone, as any individual warrior lost in that realm on madness would be. He only manages to come back to us from time to time, usually to participate in battle, using his mastery of the "Infinity Gate" psychic power. »

"An individual warrior lost in…? Whaaaaaat?! How can anyone survive like that – aside from myself of course. I mean… even Mortarion fell victim to that insufferable pus bloated botch of nature. WTF is that Kaldor Draigo dude?!

\- Verily, _Messire_ ; I was lost in the Warp once too, but it was with my battle barge. Lord Draigo is currently stuck in as an individual, using his extreme mastery of the psychic and purifying abilities of the Grey Knights to stay alive and fence his way through. He is not going down. The college of Grand Masters of the Grey Knights do not fully agree yet on someone to replace him as Supreme Grand Master of the Chapter 666. »

She calmed, reassured. The Grey Knights seemed pretty competent, in the end, especially compared to her idiotic Custodes losing several dozens of their numbers against two dumb Harlequins pretending to be pacifists doing postal service. And this Grand Master in particular, the Grey King Arcturus the Victorious Grand Master, seemed to be pretty decent, in spite of his sassing tendencies.

"If you say so, Grey King." Trajan Valoris murmured. "If you say so…"

But the Emperor shrugged; unconcerned by the petty quarrels of the Custodes and Titan who had barely spoke at all with each other for 10 Millennia, and mostly ignored each other. Now she could see that it was the Custodes' fault, while the Grey Knights were pretty respectful of their estranged… cousins; for lack of better terms.

"Wait. I cannot ignore what you just said, Grand Master! 'Any individual warrior', are you insinuating that our Holy Emperor would be powerless to surf the Warp in a super cool fashion as expressed in the 48th Oecumenical Council of Sancta Terra?"

The Empress wanted to shout 'way to go' at the crypto-Pope, but on the same time was highly conflicted by the number he indicated. Had the humans had so much free time that they could waste it in so many discussion on a topic of which they are thoroughly ignorant – 'Theology, the science of the unknowable', had once said a cynical atheist.

"Yeah. And while we are it, I am pretty sure our Paternova could totally navigate the Warp alone too; as his powers transcend the Warp itself."

She changed her mind, as she felt where it would lead: namely, the doubting of her own capabilities a warrior… which she could now ill afford to prove; after having sat 10,000 years atop a golden chair and then be reborn as a young maiden.

"Whatever, this is just semantics…."

"But, Sire…" intervened Valoris.

He was going to say it.

"SHUT. UP. Semantics I say, goldilocks."

The scared face of Trajann Valoris hided not its dismay.

"You're a pretty swell guy. Even though you are an arse, Grey King of the Grey Knights." She licked her red lips before biting them with her pearl white teeth. "A tear-drinking perverted silver arse," she added, unconscious of having returned to her former sensual and seductive habits. "Soooo… Initially, I planned to put the command of all Grey Knights under myself. And then, launch a balls-out assault…

\- Your Majesty has no balls. Not anymore.

The Grey Knight had answered to her seductive ways by rolling his eyes and a snarky comment.

"Don't remind me, jerk! I mean… ovulae producing balls, I have those, right? Anyway… a balls-out assault on mother fuckin' Horus."

Although she had just admitted feeling sorry for her emotional outburst and hasty judgement, forgiving the Grey Knights for their actions against the people of the Imperium – her citizens (i.e. subjects) – the Grey King had already started to grasp that opportunity to make fun of his divine Empress, exasperating her. As for the Ecclesiarch, he had an heretical though shrivelled boner.

"So… Your Majesty plans was a re-enactment of Mythological divine incest ?

\- Stop it !

\- Stop what ?

\- Your antics, you silvered Fegelein !

\- I am regretfully not aware of what Your Majesty is trying to make allusion to, but…"

Grand Master Regis' finger pointed out toward one of his Knight-less Exalted Court's Grey Knight Paladins, whose index was gently pointing out the parchment coloured part of his Pauldron upon which his name was inscribed. Instinctively, she started to read it.

F.

E.

G.

E.

L…

The armor less reincarnated Emperor stopped whilst raising her open hand as if to spank someone, and suddenly, violently… face-palming herself. Of course, her perfect face was left intact, as she bore not her old lightning claws.

According to the modern fluff, names of Grey Knights are used as part of the exorcism ritual. Commonly encountered are demonizations of a certain kind that makes appropriate such a name for a Grey Knight to have.

She sighed deeply, trying to release pressure. She could not let that unstomachable silver arse exasperate her so easily.

"Anyway… I had planned to take command of the Grey Knights myself, and of all the curvaceous Sisters of Battle I could grope…"

The Empress suddenly coughed, hopping that the obscurantists before her would think that she was having a sudden psycho-mythical bout with Nurgle or something.

"I mean, gathered… but… you muscle-bound Grey King asshole convinced me to let your Chapter off the hook. Maybe you really do know what you are doing. And now, I am wondering if I should not better take control of the Grey Knights and just order them around. So that you Grand-Ma' Tutur could plague me with your VERRY FUNNY antics a bit longer.

\- …

\- No, seriously, we have no other choice. Horus has become way too powerful. And he will probably somehow manage to rally his asshole brothers and that armless failure of a Babaddon, who could become awesome and gets shits done only in a 60k setting…

\- I am afraid to not understand what Your Majesty is saying.

\- Don't bother. Six dimensional warp fuckery. "

Arcturus simply acted as if nothing happened. The Emperor had straight out declared sexually consorting with Chaos. Had Kaldor Draigo heard this, he would have probably faint, his mouth foaming. But the Grand Master Arcturus was King, and somehow he knew that his fellow Monarch was accustomed to the use of colourful language & profanities.

" However, I do not think this plan is necessary, nor the best one we can come up with.

\- Horus has become a god. And Abandon the² Spoiling is in the process of becoming an actual threat. You understand, now, Vicky?

\- I don't.

\- My Glorious Overlady, can't we simply deal with him by sending Lucas the Trickster with a Tesseract Labyrinth?

\- Of course not, you dumb idiot kitty metal banana.

\- I assume thou possessest no psychic capabilities, lord Trajann ?

\- I don't, King Victor. No Custodes does, which is why you, Grey Knights, had to be created. What of it?

\- A Tesseract is an ancient term of the technical language designing a 4th dimensional object. The jailing abilities of such Necron artefact lies essentially in the inability of a 3rd dimensional, bidimensional or unidimensional entity to understand the 4th dimension – for example, a bidimensional entity would not understand the notion of "going upward".

\- I already know that, Fabricator General. So what of it ?

\- The Empyrean is a higher extra-dimension of the hyperspace. The fact that it encompass the dimensions of space and time, but also concepts that do not belong in lower dimensions such as psychic energy… also implies that the Warp is not the 4th dimension but something higher.

\- In other words – added the Paternovial Envoy –, a tesseract would have no more effects on a demon or a good Psyker than a corn labyrinth on a bird!

\- And if Horus is a god now then it is even more useless, get it? Added the High Lordin' Astropath.

\- … And that is why we, the Grey Knights, do not use these xeno-artefacts, contrary to some superstitions and heretical misinformation.

\- Understood, now, you dumb idiot?!

\- Yes, my Glorious Overlady (what's corn…? Hmm… Some kind of tough mineral, mayhaps?).

\- DO. NOT. CALL. ME. LIKE. THAT! OR I WILL FORBID YER WEEKLY FAPPING NEXT THURSDAY!"

So shout the overlady while angrily pointing her finger at the Captain-General and making a Trump face. But our deadly golden cat simply shrugged; having gathered his resolution he just said :

"If it pleases Your Majesty; it matters not for I may hold my urges."

She smirked in a devilish manner; though it was a beautiful and bright smile still.

"Say, Trajann… have you been awarded the name _Arcturus_ , yet?"

His eyes nearly pop' up and he was cowed instantly by the threat. The Grand Master made a near imperceptible sigh; though all with superhuman earing clearly heard it.

« Tesseract or not, if Warmaster Horus has become a Chaos God, then he is no more threat to us than any other Chaos god, and won't be able to directly attack Your Imperial Majesty, neither in the Immaterium nor in the Materium. Not by himself. »

"Arghl…" she was making a nearly-Golum style throat noise. He was doing it again, building up her frustration. It was not something she had ever been used to: knowing full well, on a scientific basis, with certain truth, and telling to others but being treated like some kind of mal prophet. "Since he is a god now, he is more powerful than ever, and in a way better position to crush the Imperium!"

But the Grey Knight Grand Master shrugged as if it was nothing.

« Your Imperial Majesty recent reincarnation after 10 thousand years of torment is weighing upon Your Majesty's mind. Warpology has become confusing topic, but thou shalt relearn it soon enough. Warp Gods create daemons because they cannot enter the Materium by themselves, be they Chaos aligned or orderly aligned, such as Rogal Dorn and Sanguinius.

\- Wait, what?! What did you just said about Dorn & my fabulous hawkboy?

\- After their deaths, Rogal Dorn and Sanguinius both became Imperial Saints, officially worshiped by the masses throughout the galaxy. Sanguinala is the most important and most popular holyday in the Imperium, and this mass worshiped by trillions upon trillions of men caused Warp Powers to be formed and named after these Primarchs; they both occasionaly sends an herald class daemon, called the Sanguinor and the Adorbidor respectively.

\- What about me, then ? she said while massaging her temples.

\- Your Imperial Majesty is "merely" an extremely powerful psyker.

\- … But…

\- … from the point of view of Warpology. From the point of view of the comparative studies of the history of Religions & from a Metaphysical understanding, Your Majesty indeed happens to be the primordially traditional archetypal incarnation of the "King in the Mountain", and therefore… a divinity.

\- You and Lorgar could have teamed up to plague me with your Religious nutcracking nonsense 10 thousand years ago.

\- As praise from someone who ordered the Adeptus Custodes to study Theology, I shall take it.

\- But if I am a God from the point of view of pure Religion and not from Warpology, it means that I have only half the criteria to be a god. Therefore, I'm not God! See? I was right all along.

\- Of course not, Majestas; thou hast daemons created as well.

\- I did?

\- You did, Sir. There is one in our chamber of the Astronomican, of which my humble self is the keeper.

\- FUCIK (Julius), I DID!

\- Your fabulous Majesty also provides our saintly orders of the Adepta Sororitas with miraculous powers.

\- I DO ?

\- YES! It makes my nipples so hard & quivering thinking about it, luckily the curves of my armour enable its painlessness and erogenous nature.

\- No, your Majesty did not.

\- I DON'T?!

\- How darest thee?! The Grand Master is an heretic! GOLLUM! GOLLUM!

\- Be silent, my Lady. When a real, historical character is worshipped as a God, it is unknown wether or not the energies that coalesce in the Warp do so around his soul. If said character is alive, then it doth not; if dead he happeneth to be and his soul aloft therefore chances are that it doth. Yet, even so, the end result is not the individual proper; this is why the Adorbidor or the Sanguinor would exist still even if Rogal Dorn and Sanguinius were to be alive & well still, and neither of them would be endowed with powers steming from the Ethereal construct called after them.

\- AH! I'm not fùcking Gawd, I knew it!

Cries of despair came from the High Lady of the Adepta Sororitas and of the Adeptus Ministorum.

« When Your Imperial Majesty reincarnated, all souls related to Majestas coalesced and united, fused and reincarnated as one; somehow, for the purpose of the story. Proof that you are a warp god in the flesh, my Emperor, is that you made an actual daemon, which gods do by spliting a shard of their divine soul and infusing it with a persona. Hence, Your Imperial Majesty should still be able to use divine powers, as a physical god. »

"Hold, wait a minute! What proof is there that I made a demon? He could be a demon of choas undivided."

The Empress was being stubborn, but the High Lord of the Adeptus Astronomica flied to the rescue once more.

"Well, I actually asked my lord Imperious a truth of his claims, so…"

"Sooooo?" He made everyone curious, except the Grand Master of the Grey Knights, who already knew the story and was rolling his eyes.

"… He asked me to come closer and closer, and once my ear was nearby his august mouth, he said…"

The Empress was already furrowing her brows, awaiting something like a grandiose declaration of stupid that she could then violently debunk with the pawaa of rational thought and brainyness.

"… He said… just one word:"

The old man stuttered emotionally, causing even the Fabricator-General to be suspended to his lips, wondering how extraordinary and rich in esoteric content like some archaic Hebrew word it would be to establish a direct link with the Emperor and clear and absolute proof of His godhood.

" _Bitch_."

Everyone's favorite hormonal Empress rose her arms in a gesture of universal surrender while screaming in anger and 10,000 years of pent up sexual frustration.

"He's really mine! I made a dumbass demon named Imperious, farting flying cockbiscuit!"

But then, she realized something, preventing her worshipers to praise her newly found divinity.

"If I'm a God from the point of view of Warpology, it does not mean that I am one necessarily from the point of view of History of Religions, because as you said, it was not me that was until now bestowing super powers on the Sororitas."

The Grey Knight simply shrugged his massive pauldrons platted in gold, imaging properly how easy it was to counter such a ludicrous sophistry.

« So, Your Imperial Majesty was not technically bestowing any powers on the Chamber Militant of the Ordo Hereticus, something which was modeled after the image the Ministorum had of the Emperor in response to mass worship and attunement of myriads of souls causing the convergence of tremendous quantities of psychic energies did it; but now that warp superstructure has fused with the actual Emperor's actual soul and bestow these "supernatural" powers on the Battle Sisters once more. »

All she could do was aimlessly pointing at him with her finer, and a hollow look in her amber eyes.

"So, it means that the Emperor is a god now?"

The Grey Knight Grand Master nodded.

Cries of happiness came from the High Lady of the Adepta Sororitas and of the Adeptus Ministorum.

"Fine ! Arse ! I'm fùcking Gawd now, happy ?!

\- Thank you for listening to Science, Sire.

\- Incidentally, in the Orlesian language, "gode" means "dildo"; and both are extremely pleasurable objects."

Everyone turned to the Abess of the Adepta Sorroritas, a beautiful woman preserved by Imperial medicine's technology to look like in her late twenties. She immediately proceeded to shrink away from their awkward gaze while blushing madly; though she still looked at the Empress with a super-lubrique gaze.

"Now, what kind of plan would be good enough to counter asshole Horus ?!"

Smiling before pivoting her head to face elsewhere than the pretty matriarch's golden boob armor, she awkwardly returned to the main problem of the Imperium.

« The Greatest Heroes of the Imperium may form a small squad and pwned the resurrected Warmaster.

\- Seriously…? Grand'ma Tutur, lord Draigo and the lord Maccrage, whose chapter has constantly plagued me with his Ultratorture chanting for ten thousand years – and who won't stop no matter how many times I cast my shit upon them?!

\- Hmm ? No… I was not thinking of him. Of them. Or of me. Although I guess I should come too, in case the medusian fails. Do I have permission to use the secret archive on Titan to buy the help of Anacharis Scoria? He belongeth to the Dark Mechanicum, but he will surely help attacking Horus if I use the secret archives, and it will be of no detrimental effect in an armament course between the Imperium and the forces of Chaos.

\- Then… who ?! Wait… the medusian ?! Anacharis Scoria and the secret archive? WTF are you talking about, Grey King?"

Arcturus breathed in heavily, deeply, solemnly, as if some huge responsibility was weighting on his mind – of course, since he is a renowned officer of the Adeptus Astartes.

« Permission to get closer to Your Imperial Majesty? My thoughts on the matter is that my Sire would not want it to be made public. »

The Grand Master asked and she nodded, perturbed till he came closer indeed and murmured in her ear, much like Imperious had done within the chambers of the Astronomican… but it was a lot worse than just telling Imperious' one word bullcrap proofing. It was about the Imperial secret porn stash, a forty millennia or so collection of high quality erotism and pornography. She had completely forgotten about that unvaluable treasure containing even videos of the Emprah fabulous muscleboundness in action; and thinking about these secret content being discovered, blushed madly, gasping and making all Custodes lovey-dovey for their cute Empress. This could not be the look of a child just over ten years old.

She had no idea how this stuff came to Titan… unless…

"MALCADOR, YOU TWAT!"

She yelled and facepalmed, while thinking of her former best friend winking at her. Most High Lords were shocked, as were the Custodes, by the Empress suddenly screaming at the hero of yore for some unknown reason. They didn't dare asking the Emperor what was the High Lord Solar Grand Master Arcturus of the Grey Knights planning to use in order to turned Anacharis 'Motherhumpin'' Scoria against the Black Legion and Horus Lupercal.

"Fine! Use it! I don't care! Just try to do it discreetly!

\- A wise decision, Sire.

\- Now that I have reincarnated, I will re-do my life from Zero.

\- Does it mean that someone else will take over the Imperium, Sir?

\- NO, you golden banana-man! I am still the Emperor.

\- Isn't it the Empress, now?"

She growled while trying her best to ignore them.

"What about the rest of what you were speaking of? Medusian what? You are going to turn Horus into stone and bring him back as a statue? I don't like smashing Primarch sculptures, just so you know...

\- Really, Sir? Then, why did you ordered the erasure of the 2nd and 11th Primarch?"

The Empress opened her eyes wildly.

"I DID WHAT, YOU FUCKIN' CHICKITA MAN?!"

Many assume that the 2nd & 11th Primarchs and there Legions committed some enormous atrocities against the Imperium and were erased by the Emperor in consequence from all the archives, because only the Emperor had the clearance to do such a thing. However…

"What about Pal' and Atsukuni?"

They squinted their eyes. They had always been told that the Emperor had ordered everyone to forget these two Primarchs. However, it seems different from what she remembered.

The Paternovial Envoy cleared his throat. In truth, he had always wanted to become a Space Marine, but was born a Navigator instead. He knew that the White Scars often made their Navigators Space Marines, if they were not too dangerously mutated, but had failed the trial test to become one. Even so, he had never abandoned the dreams of his youth. And as a result, he had been curious all his life about these two forgotten Primarchs.

"So, that's how they are named? Pal and Atsukuni?"

The Empress closed her mouth while looking at the High Lord representing the Navigators. She seemed to remember something.

"Pallando, Primarch of the _Legio Undecimus – Consul Opsequiari_. Atsukuni is a special case, but I can't believe anybody has forgotten about yet another problematic High King who – just like you, Grey King – bullshit me, his own father. Though he had disappeared, Pallando was someone very important to me and the Imperium, who brought a great many Knight Worlds to compliance peacefully; and who was supposed to maintain under control most of his brothers, instead of Leman who took over the aggressive assessment of his own volition. Pallando and his marines were also crucial for policing activities on any world freshly brought into compliance which was not under the care of Word Bearers or of the Ultramarines. Especially Angron and his World Eaters, I couldn't let him do any secure conquest without having the Field Policing Legionary Consuls of Pallando watch over them! Alone, they would simply go on a rampage and kill everything in their wake; but with Pallando and his scary marines, even the damned mutts and the Space Corgi were relatively tamed."

The Paternovial Envoy wanted to hear more about them, in truth, all but some Custodians were curious about this business. Grand Master Arcturus however interrupted the Emperor.

« My apologies, Majestas, but allow me to interrupt. I think I know who is the responsible. He currently sits in Ultramar, immobilized on a throne, inside a temple. »

She squinted. Roboute Guilliman had have a rivalry relationship with the 11th Primarch, for High King Pallando was supposed to be policing all his brothers and nephews, even though he was mostly busy constructing a huge imperial web of Knight Houses loyal to him first and foremost, as "The Knight King" among them all who bested them all in jousting contests and other chivalrous endeavours, or even by his sheer reputation among the _Questoris Familia_. Without him, maybe 80% of the Knights Houses would have sworn allegiance to the Adeptus Mechanicus, she thought; but then again, instead of this, at least a fifth of the total number of Knights Houses found during the Great Crusade or more were loyal to High King Pallando before being loyal to the Emperor of Mankind and his Imperium, or to the Adeptus Mechanicus and its Religious beliefs & creeds.

"I can totally picture Rowboat Gorillaman doing that as "Lord Commander of the Imperium" in order to stabilize it and subvert all Loyalty to the Knight King to the Imperium. He was jealous because his shitty Ultramar Realm was merely 500 worlds, while King Pallando had something like four times that number, though it was scattered across the galaxy and most of them were either knight worlds or in the process of becoming such types of planets. That bitchin' smurf even claimed that Lorgar was too slow, but he really contributed to the conquest of only 500 planets in two centuries of Grand Crusading, in an empire the seize of a million worlds; because of that sissy's constant pestering I eventually ordered the destruction of Monarchia, a mighty fine jewel of a planet crafted by Lorgar. Damn friggin' disinformation."

"Sire, is 2000 not something small too, on the scale of a million worlds?" Asked the High Lord of the merchant civilian fleet. "Even I have (probably) control over more planets than a mere 2,000."

"Lord Solar Macharius probably conquered more planets than that as well…" pursued the High Lord of the Imperial Guard.

"That's not the point, answered the Emperor. These planets were all Knight Worlds. Planets with which we had to negotiate, most of the time, to bring them into Imperial Compliance; instead of simply bringing the fight to them. See? Pallando was a Scion himself, because he was found on a Knight World by the Royal Family. And he never was interested in any other types of planets. Besides, he didn't command his own expeditionary fleet, but was assigned normally to the 1st Expeditionary Fleet which I commanded personally, so of course he didn't conquer as many planets as his brothers! Pallando simply ran across the Galaxy on board of his _Gloriana_ class Flagship, the _Sanct Graal_ , to take in all knight worlds he could possibly find so that they would swear allegiance to him and the Imperium instead of the clerical Adeptus Mechanicus. Not even half of the Knight Houses would be sworn to the Imperium without Pallando's chivalrous deeds to re-establish the Ghibelline ideal… Plus, he won nearly all his battles. Unsurprisingly, since he fought them with hundreds or thousands of Imperial Knights, he crushed everything that went against him, unlike Horus & cie. Even my 10,000 strong golden Legio Custodes would have lost in a straight battle against them."

"Forgive my impertinence in interrupting Your Imperial Majesty, but allow me to correct one thing… Your Majesty seems to imply that more than half of the _Questoris Familiae_ are sworn to the Imperium…"

"Come on, don't tell me that… the Adeptus Mechanicus now has the loyalty of, say, a third of them?"

If we compare with the "Dark Ages", the duality between the Imperium and the Mechanicum would be akin the Eastern and the Western Christian Churches or to the Holy Roman Empire and the Catholic Clergy, to which pledged allegiance two great alliances of knights and noblemen: the Guelf and the Ghibellines. But, before that, Chivalry's allegiance belonged solely to the Ghibelline ideal of the _Imperium_. In the early days of the nascent Imperium and the Great Crusade, the Emperor had predicted that such a scheme would happen again; so, in order to avoid that, Pallando went all around the galaxy to collect the oaths of allegiance of a great many number of Knight houses, by showcasing his personal chivalrous prowess… he soon became the greatest Knight in the history of both eldar and human Chivalry. Unsurprisingly, since he was both supremely more skilled than any other Knight-King, and also a powerful Psyker that would use his psychic powers to enhance his piloting abilities or even repair his Knight. And that was the main reason the Emperor had tolerate for over a century the giant asshatery of His son.

"The Imperium and our Martian clergy share them in half, O Omnissiah."

And now, the Empress couldn't believe what she was hearing. How did that even come to pass? Was it something like House Raven and their ilk, devoted to the Mechanicum, managed to steal away the title of "High King" Pallando monopolized before making it so that Mars' Fabricator General recuperated his royal mandate?

"Sire, isn't it possible that, say, because not all Knight Houses had been found during the Great Crusade, the gap between the Imperium and the Clergy was closed through the passing of millennia and the many exploration fleets of the Mechanicum? Besides, there are a lot of houses which were lost and then found again because of Warp Storms… it is hard to take everything into account."

"Of course not! How many Knight Houses do we know of in total?"

"… Uh… a few hundreds, Sire?"

There is only three dozen or so known Knight worlds in the stupid official publications and wiki pages. That being said, there are a lot of Forge Worlds across the Milky Way.

"Come on, really?! You can't be serious! I told you Pallando owned at the very least 2000 Knight Worlds' allegiance! Destroying ALL AND ANY memories of High King Pallando because Row-boot-ay Gill-uh-man feels like he has a tiny dick in comparison? And now, we have like half of the Imperial Knights pledged to the Mechanicus instead of 20% at best, and they aren't even as numerous as the original number of Knight Houses we had back then? You can't be serious… And all of that and much more is my own son's fault?!"

« Sire, I prithee be at peace… I did not say it was Lord Commander Guilliman that should be blamed for this. The secret Ordo, ruling body of the Inquisition, believes there is a possibility that he is the Primarch Alpharius, awaiting his time to pull a bad prank on the Imperium. If he managed to become the Lord Commander of the Imperium, then, he surely would have the power to erase all data about a Primarch or two, and then faint innocence or blame a copy-paste error. »

She face-palmed, once again. Her face was starting to feel sore. The High Lords themselves were shocked, as they just learned that the Inquisition was indeed ruled by an internal secret society shrouded in mystery, by word of the Grey King, Grand Master and former Inquisitorial Legate himself. Everyone understood why he had not said sooner, and they felt like, in the end, maybe the Grey King really dreaded the Empress' wrath, for he had abandoned concealing the truth of his thoughts on the subject so as to protect Roboute Guilliman for the Imperial vindication.

"What's that Secret Ordo stuff? I thought the Inquisitorial Legate was the leader of the Inquisition…"

The High Lady of the Adepta Sororitas was now joining the fray, and it felt awkward that the Abess was not aware of the truth even though being the ruler of one of three Ordo Majoris' Chamber Militant.

« No, replied Arcturus with absolute certainty in his voice. All of the Ordo of the Inquisition are ultimately, oecumenically, ruled by the secret Ordo, whose membership is kept secret for protection of the Inquisition's sake, against infiltrations. »

The Empress too had been wondering about the truth, and so he explained; but it was a highly dangerous truth and most of the High Lords aside from Lord Solar Grand-Master King Arcturus himself, the Ecclesiarch, the Grand Master of the Assassins and the Abbess feared to get purged for having learned of these dark truths even more so than what he had told them regarding forbidden scientific knowledge on the gods…

"Thanks for having told me, Lord Solar Arcturus Rex."

… The Inquisition took no spying or leaks as trifle matters and the possibility of the God-Emperor refusing to shield them from Inquisitorial retribution had suddenly become very real as she was getting convinced by the deceitful oratory skills of the Grey King Arcturus. Unlike them, his belonging as a senior officer to the Grey Knight chapter, the purest and most incorruptible psykers and space marines in the entire galaxy, protected him from any actual Inquisitorial retribution. In fact, it could be argued that all that he had done was answer questions asked by the Emperor, and that by no fault of his own, the other High Lords happened to be close enough to hear everything the _Magister Magistralis_ imparted of his insightful ken.

"Indeed, sound just like that twat Alpharius and the Inquisition. And it would explain why we are using this retarded Codex Astartes that broke the mighty bulwark of the Imperium: the Astartes have simply been using the tactics of Alpharius all along believing to be Guilliman's edict! You are definitely the most useful and competent High Lord I have yet to meet." The Grey Knight bowed curtly in answer to this praise. "I will have to go to Macrage to verify this soon. If it is Roboute, I will heal him; if it is Alpharius Omegon, I will spank his ass instead and find out what truly happened to the blue-berry Grand-Pa Smurf. I can't believe Alpharius – or Guilliman – is an even bigger asshat – or rather, asscrown – than Pal… even Angron or Mortarion would have agreed that it should have been impossible."

She breathed in deeply.

"But how can you make such assumptions? Is it not like a blaspheme to hypothesise that the Imperial Saint and Primarch Robot Gilligan is actually the traitorous scum Alpharius?"

The Grand Master was still like an Olympian mountain, slowly caressing his beard in a dignified fashion.

« We, the Grey Knights, have some privileges that other chapters do not have and never will. For instance, we may requisition Terminator Armours from them. »

"Hey? Another battle report and flaunting of privilege from the Inquisitorial special snowflake. Whatever; how does it relate to the Robouterius conundrum?"

« When I went to Ultramar some centuries ago, I requisitioned the Terminator Armour of Antilochus passed down from Chapter Master to Chapter Master along the Gauntlets of Ultramar, but since these relics did not went went with the armor, then I had my Techmarine replace the gauntlets and the pauldrons and scrapping off all the paint; lord Marneus was quite angry I am told to have gotten it back in such a state. At that time, I also visited the Primarch's shrine, and noticed that his hair looked like those of our secretly bald High Lord of the Adeptus Administratum, while his face did not match the appearance left by Imperial Remembrancers. »

While everyone else looked in shock at the sheer impudence and chilly attitude of His Grey Asscrownness, the Empress was barely holding her tears and laughing.

"Grand'ma Tutur… Did you… did you actually need… to be that outrageous with the Ultramarines?"

Arcturus shrugged.

« Of course not. »

Her exploding laughter was quite ungirlish and sounded something like : "BWHAHA! BWHAHA! BWHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHAHAHA!" Even the custodians pretended to laugh politely. But she calmed out eventually and sweaping a tear with her long and feminine fingers, re-centred the topic of discussion on what truly mattered.

"Now that it is done, let's return to our urgent business. Praythee, my dear Grey King Arcturus, Magister Magistralis of the Grey Knights of Titan, do tell what dost thou plan against a deified Horus?"

The Grey Knight ceased playing with his beard and straightened his back in a solemn fashion.

« Sire, yes sire! I have taken the liberty to make them come with some advance. Allow me to present my dream team. »

She was already impatient to meet them. A super elite group that even the heroic Grey King respected, he who was otherwise 'super insolent' and 'cocky'. And soon, Sir Arcturus strongly called forth their hallowed names with post-human voice!

« Come to Us, Chapter Master Smashfucker ! Chapter Master Murderwings ! Chapter Master Maximus Temperus ! Chapter Master Vangar Shriek ! And… SLY MARBOOOOOOOOOOOOO ! »

Though the various Chapter Masters had come from the upfront, behind herself, the Empress could feel an unnatural presence. She turned just at the right time to see a Catachan commando with brushed up black hair appears out of nowhere, with awesome cue explosions.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

\- KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

\- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

\- KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

\- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

\- KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

\- Stop it, both of ye please.

\- WAAH!"

Shockingly enough, Marbo stopped screaming even before the explosions stopped. But the sissified Emprah didn't.

"YOU FACKING ARSEHOLES GAVE ME THE SCARE OF MY 58 THOUSAND YEARS OLD LIFE !"

Having thus yelled at them, she sat on a huge pile of rubbles and crossed her hands in front of her face with a dangerous smile. An entire room of her gold platted huge-ass continent spanning palace had been thus wrecked and half the High Lords had lost a wound on their profile… but she didn't gave a fuck. Extending her telepathic powers to better comprehend the situation, she could feel the awesome presence of a certain tactical genius using a flame-throwing lighter to lit his cigar… that explained everything.

"Well done, Grey King, well done. Take a Warmaster Titan and a Warlord with you or so. You guys are perfect for the job. Give 'em hell."

Saying so, she looked at the champions gathered. One was apparently the Chapter Master of the Raven Guard or a successor chapter. Two wore yellow armors and she thought that they be both successors to Rogal Dorn; one was bald and smoking a cigar while the other had a grey mane, short and trimmed beard and was already old, tired and wounded enough to be closer to machine than men. The Grey King put back his crowned helm, sheltering his noble features.

« _Abanir Mon Suzerain est mon Honneur_. »

"Soon" after, the Grey King and his Exalted Court, Smashfucker Prime, Murderwings, Vangar Shriek bane of pedobear xenophorms, Tigurius, Creed and St Sly brought to their Emperor Horus' head.

Well… not exactly.

Next, Chapter 4 – The Emperors

The Hormonal Empress hath a destined meeting, key to solve the Imperium's horrifying conundrum.


End file.
